I grew up w a father that was abusive both mentally and physically to my older brother and I. He was and still is an alcoholic. Try as I might, cannot forgive for the life that I had. We had tried on a few occassions to reconscile, but to no avail. I dunno. It doesn't help that during the course of his and my mothers divorce, he told my mother that he didn't think i was his. And accused my mother of sleeping with his own brother. Imagine being 15, and finding out that the reason ur father treated u like a doormat and punching back was all because of his own insecurities. right now, he is living w my older sister. They have always gotten along, must be because she looks like him. Oh well, Im 28 yrs old, and a mother of 3 little girls. from time to time, i have a problem with depression. And I used to have a big insecurity problem. I don't know when it changed, but at some point I made myself believe that Im a good person, and a good mother. I realized that i deserve to be happy. And I discovered what i will deal with in a relationship. The number one thing is Cheating! If im not good enough for someone, then i refuse to stick around. I have a way of being able to shut myself off, and doing what I have to. I can become a very cold individual, the total opposite of who I am. I guess its just a defense mechanism that i picked up along the way. Must be good, as I am divorced, and have had a few relationships that I did get up and walk away from.
Ok ok, i know I rambling. I tend to just write what comes to my mind at the time. Im done for a little while. lol